Normally, at the end of each year, I write a short re-cap of that year. I love retrospects in general, since I have a limited short-term memory and a relatively strong long-term memory. Re-visiting the events of the past divided in arbitrary units of time (days, weeks or years) gives me the chance to “record” any matter of importance to my non-volatile memory. That’s why I also keep a diary.
It’s really strange and rare when what you have to say to summarize a year is already mostly known by all the people around the world. But this year, as a change, I want to do my retro in English, since this was a year like of which we will hardly see again, a year of intense globalisation and unification by all means (even more so for myself).
Now, when I say “… hardly see again …”, don’t think I’m as naive as to think a world-wide pandemic or firestorms that swallowed whole continents or a catastrophic explosion that nearly wiped out a city or the horrendous earthquakes, two of which took place in my home country and buried people alive, multiple military conflicts or huge protests and a near civil war in one of the greatest democracies in the world won’t happen again in the future. But human mind wants to cling to that possibility since it has limited power over these things.
There is also the fact that, thinking that the next year will always be consecutively better than the last one, is an audacity towards statistics, which also renders the whole idea of hopes based on a new year pointless. But we do it anyway.
For example, these were the words I uttered in my retrospection article last year (a rough translation):
“I hope that everything will be much better, easier and peaceful in 2020.”
Doğukan Tunç, 29.12.2019
Dark humor indeed. But then again, I knew a challenging year was ahead. Not this kind of challenge, but… Anyway.
Even though this might not be the worst year we’re going to witness in the future, I sense that this year will always have something in it that will mark its name in history, like a notorious rock-star. This year made us realize for the first time that how everything we thought untouchable was in fact, so fragile. It was the first year that made us learn this lesson so blatantly, harshly, deeply, with equity and with impunity that it made sure we will never forget it for generations.
Our grandchildren will read about it on whatever medium they will have at that time and tell each other the events of this year, “those old timers, they had a real tough one that year” they’ll say. They’ll look at all the great people that died this year and shiver. Kobe Bryant, Eddie van Halen, Neil Peart, Sean Reinert (the last two being my top two drumming heroes) are just some of them.
Additionally, this was a year I, personally will never forget, also because of the special challenge my family and I took on top of every other struggle at a global level. Now that I think of it, moving to a European country just on the brink of a world-wide pandemic and lockdown, starting to work in one of the most challenging tech companies and having to go through most of the learning process while working from home, sending your kid to school amidst concerns of the virus, were probably the craziest things I have done in my whole life.
But to be honest and to put the dark tone aside, it was not a complete disaster of a year, for me and my family at least. I know that lots of people paid a heavy toll, both physically and mentally. But we as a family, somehow managed to stay safe and stuck together, protected and supported each other. We are a home-loving, coziness-addict and introvert bunch and this pandemic did us a slight favor to lock us down. My daughter especially liked the extra time and attention we could (or had to…) allocate for her. But since we all were trying to learn a new language and get to know a new culture, a little socialization would be helpful. Our adaptation probably progressed somewhat slower because of the isolation and the invisible barrier people now have towards each other. But we did not have a major social issue whatsoever. We have even met friendly Dutch parents in the playground. Playgrounds are an excellent socializing platform, indeed.
Of course, there were also very bitter moments from time to time, moments that left us engulfed in concern, moments that tested our mental endurance, our ability to move forward and times that we wanted to be in another parallel universe.
But all in all, here we are, having completed this wicked year, in one piece, having more or less a sanity, a financial stability and some leftover willpower. Just by having these, I can say we were extremely lucky, and this fact alone is saying volumes about the year we’ve just experienced.
However, we also felt the pain of other people, emphatized with individuals and masses from the other side of the world. As we got seperated from the human population, our sense of unity became amplified. We tried to stay connected through our last standing fortress: technology.
Microsoft Teams and Zoom was my main realm. My keyboard was my main weapon. Jabra Evolve 75 was my main tool. I probably shared my screen an average of 10 times per day. I muted and unmuted myself hundreds of times each day. I must’ve spent an average of 10 or 12 hours in front of a screen this year, be it a palm-sized or a 23″ one.
The same goes for Ekin. Sadly, she got somewhat more attached to the electronics since there are only so many hours you can organize other activities for entertainment in a day. Fortunately for her, she learned how to bike, so she gets lots of excercise and fresh air, almost each day.
Speaking of which, these were the two most important things the virus could not take away from us the whole year: our bikes and the outdoors.
We biked arduously on the beautiful fietspad network of the Netherlands. We biked and hiked across canals and in forests and explored the city and the countryside. This was the greatest relief we had in our hands in 2020, especially during summer. And I’m infinitely glad that we did have this, at least.
Biking is so awesome. Dutch people are so wise for making biking their daily routine and their default transportation method. It’s a vehicle that kills traffic, carbon emission, obesity and stress. So awesome.
Now, the best part of a retrospect: the outlook, the expectations from the next year.
What do we expect from 2021?
NOTHING.
Seriously. I expect nothing fancy. But why?
“Happiness equals reality minus expectations.”
TOM MAGLIOZZI
See? I’ve learned a thing or two from this year.
Why were we so unhappy this year, why are we so extremely hateful of 2020? Because we were under the impression that it was going to be another “normal” year, where we could go out with our friends, travel somewhere else, shake hands with someone we met, and all. So, our expectations were a bit high. Then, this year turned out to be somewhat disappointing because the bar was quite under our projections.
See, this is where unhappiness festers. Where your expectations fail.
So, if you have the same “normal” expectation from 2021 as well, you have a greater chance to taste unhappiness. Now, I’m not saying this because I think things will go bad. On the contrary, I think things might go in favor of the humans this year. But the notion of “chance” has nothing to do with facts or figures. This is just a mechanism to adjust and protect oneself from repeated (mental) harm, based on past observations and a Bayesian philosophy.
So, for example I’m prepared for another full year of 2020, regardless of how painful the idea is. Because I now know how low the bar can go.
It would be enough for me to maintain this life standard and stay this way if it means that my family and other people will be healthier and people won’t die. I won’t complain or fret. I will just try to get to the end of each day.
Call it Carpe Diem, call it Mindfulness, call it whatever you want. But this seems like the best approach to me.
If something above my expectation level happens (like being able to meet all our friends at a barbecue party this year), this will be a surplus and I will be -simply- happier.
In this case, I won’t just feel like someone who were handed out something they were already entitled to. This wouldn’t give me any satisfaction.
When you are keeping your expectations at a minimal level, you are also minimizing the chances of things getting worse than your estimation. Just think… What could go worse than this? (Shit… I just challenged the universe…)
You could say that this is a pessimistic perspective, but you would be wrong. This is in no way a gloomy approach on my part. This is just a mental fortification and logical mindset that I find comforting and helps me stay calm, especially at times of turmoil.
If things start to look up, it would be good. But I will try not to look towards any time but present for now. And based on world’s situation at the moment, it’s best to keep our expectations humble.
I suggest this (or something similar/derived/customized) to anyone that has a hard time accepting the truth and coping with stress.
But of course other than these, I too have a list of “new year resolutions” (as if I will be able to do them).
First item in the list is of course reducing the amount of Doomscrolling and becoming a ball of despair. So we do this from time to time but overdoing it will invariably break your will and cripple your life.
The next items are of course things like “jog more often, drink more water” blah blah… As I said, nothing fancy.
So on to another year then, with completely no knowledge of what sh*tstorm is lurking out there. There is comfort in not knowing.
I wish everyone a non-terrible, sufferable and acceptable new year.
Stay safe, look after yourself and your loved ones.
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